If there’s one thing I always find hard to do, it is to confront. I heard it’s an Asian thing. We are careful not to cause someone to loose face especially if we’re not familiar with each other. Cautious not to embarrass others for in doing so we are creating enemies and not friends. I am stationed to watch a group of students taking a test. I have a co-guard. With 38 students fairly scattered in the classroom it is not hard to spot cheaters. But wily and deviously determined students were more watchful than the guards for their slightest inattention is the students’ scheming opportunity to plagiarize. It’s amusing how they try to disguise their cunning ability but it’s very obvious when they gawk at their neighbor’s paper and quickly write down on their answer sheet what they have just seen. Occasionally, they catch my eyes staring at them and they can’t help but smile as if to disguise their embarrassment. I was getting concerned and wanted to say out loud what I had written on the board earlier to “look at your own papers” but I have never met so many friendly faces and it breaks my heart to embarrass them. Also I’m hesitant to do it because it may not be allowed. However, my guilt is yelling at me to do something. I better take the easy way out—chicken and coward me! Just then as I was contemplating on what to do my co-guard reprimanded a girl who was looking at a paper over her shoulder. Okay, so this is not my territory and I have no right to embarrass the inhabitants of this amazing country in the southeast. Well, I have thought of something instantly. When I saw my co-guard looking at my direction, I pretended holding up my pen but was pointing at a girl who was gaping at her neighbor’s paper. There was a strong urge for me to tell them to mind their own papers but if I say than and eyes are set on an individual, he/she might think I’m referring to him/her. Well…I have thought of another device. I’ll pretend looking at my paper while telling them to look at their papers. I hope it works. It’s time for the last test of the day. I’m ready to execute my plan. Oh, my Buddha! Someone has erased what wrote on the board. I’ll just sit here quietly for now.

I feel like giving up. The tensions, pressures are getting way over my head and I’m drowning in desperation. The tension is surrounding me like a strong wind and there’s no way out. I feel like a trash on a crowded roadside where I get trampled on unmindfully. And there’s no way out for me. I may come out of the mess but by that time I’d be torn and impossible to put the pieces back together. No one would dare to pick a mucky piece of paper after it has been treaded by countless soles. The only way out is to wait for midnight when all of the people disappear leaving the useless dirty paper by itself. That’s the only time it can find rest and peace. Unfortunately, the time now is midday. The sun is still in the horizon and midnight is way out of sight.

Last night was my first time to sleep in the dorm. But first I had to clean up the screens and all conrners of the windows coz I don't want to see those dusts greeting me first thing when I wake up in the morning. I heard the bell 3 times and I remember what Doca, my roomy told me--If you hear three short rings it means there's a male coming so we should not dress like this (you know what I mean ladies). When we finally retired on our beds my roomy said "it's kinda strange to see you in tonight." She let me use her pillow. The weather was not cosy. If I use the blanket it's too hot. If I turn on the ceiling fan it gets too cold. I hate this feeling. Finally, I had to open the door to let the fresh air ventilate the room but the light emanating from the lamp-post in front of my room was distracting me. I can't sleep well with the lights on. I tried to be comfortable but my eyes didn't wanna go to dreamland. I twisted and turned and the bed was creeking at everytime I move. I could hear almost all sounds from within a hundred feet. The cars from the highway, the shells that are blown by the wind, the exhaust fan from the toilet everytime someone uses it, the myriad of birds who seemed to be singing in chorus with an orchestra of insects. It was past midnight when I finally dozed off but only to be awaken very early the next day by the sound of the bell and water coming out from the washroom. Time for breakfast. I better flex those biceps and other muscles. Another day has begun.