If there’s one thing I always find hard to do, it is to confront. I heard it’s an Asian thing. We are careful not to cause someone to loose face especially if we’re not familiar with each other. Cautious not to embarrass others for in doing so we are creating enemies and not friends. I am stationed to watch a group of students taking a test. I have a co-guard. With 38 students fairly scattered in the classroom it is not hard to spot cheaters. But wily and deviously determined students were more watchful than the guards for their slightest inattention is the students’ scheming opportunity to plagiarize. It’s amusing how they try to disguise their cunning ability but it’s very obvious when they gawk at their neighbor’s paper and quickly write down on their answer sheet what they have just seen. Occasionally, they catch my eyes staring at them and they can’t help but smile as if to disguise their embarrassment. I was getting concerned and wanted to say out loud what I had written on the board earlier to “look at your own papers” but I have never met so many friendly faces and it breaks my heart to embarrass them. Also I’m hesitant to do it because it may not be allowed. However, my guilt is yelling at me to do something. I better take the easy way out—chicken and coward me! Just then as I was contemplating on what to do my co-guard reprimanded a girl who was looking at a paper over her shoulder. Okay, so this is not my territory and I have no right to embarrass the inhabitants of this amazing country in the southeast. Well, I have thought of something instantly. When I saw my co-guard looking at my direction, I pretended holding up my pen but was pointing at a girl who was gaping at her neighbor’s paper. There was a strong urge for me to tell them to mind their own papers but if I say than and eyes are set on an individual, he/she might think I’m referring to him/her. Well…I have thought of another device. I’ll pretend looking at my paper while telling them to look at their papers. I hope it works. It’s time for the last test of the day. I’m ready to execute my plan. Oh, my Buddha! Someone has erased what wrote on the board. I’ll just sit here quietly for now.

I feel like giving up. The tensions, pressures are getting way over my head and I’m drowning in desperation. The tension is surrounding me like a strong wind and there’s no way out. I feel like a trash on a crowded roadside where I get trampled on unmindfully. And there’s no way out for me. I may come out of the mess but by that time I’d be torn and impossible to put the pieces back together. No one would dare to pick a mucky piece of paper after it has been treaded by countless soles. The only way out is to wait for midnight when all of the people disappear leaving the useless dirty paper by itself. That’s the only time it can find rest and peace. Unfortunately, the time now is midday. The sun is still in the horizon and midnight is way out of sight.