*Fwd: This is a forwarded email

The Battle of the Brainless is back!


Host: What 'N' (narra) is the
national tree of the Philippines?

Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

Host: Saan 'B' (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: Sa back?

Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter 'L' (Luneta).

Contestant: Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, 'R.P.' ang initials ng modern name nito(Rizal Park).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)

Host : Saan 'B' (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?

Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka
doon, maaarawan ka.

Contestant: Bubong?

Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng
naka-bikini.

Contestant: Beerhouse!

Host: Anong 'L' (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na
sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw aynalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.

Contestant : Safeguard?

Host:Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.

Contestant : Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya 'boy'
at matipuno nga ang kaniyang
katawan.

Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!

Host: Anong 'S' (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?

Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.

Contestant: Siyokoy?

Host: Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant: Siyoke?

Host: What 'S' (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines?

Contestant: Sunflower?

Host : Hindi. Bi nebenta ito sa kalye.

Contestant: Stork?

Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?

Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter 'A'.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa 'S', nagtatapos sa letrang 'A', at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?

Contestant: Si...Sharon Cuneta!

Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia?

Contestant: Carole KING?

Host:Hindi, mas mababa sa king.

Contestant: Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.

Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.

Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?
Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.

Contestant : Johnny MidNIGHT?

Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.

Contestant: Jerry PONS?

Host: Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.

Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!

Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue,may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

Contestant:Nora Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa 'Y'.

Contestant: Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi.Dati siyang Senador.

Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!

One more dagdag:

Host: What 'K' (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines?

Contestant: Kuto?

Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.

Contestant : Kutong Lupa!

Watch this video

I have this wallet that I have been using for a couple of years now and I bought it in a bargain shop in Bangkok. It cost only 20 baht but I have a very close affinity with it. Or I think it's pathetic and it's like cast with a spell.

Here's the story.

A few weeks after buying this wallet, I got a new wonderful lady's wallet made from sting ray leather that was gifted by my student. It was the long type of kind. And this is not a cheap one. Compared to my pathetic wallet, this one costs about 1,500 baht. But everytime I used this wallet I noticed that money goes out in large amounts.

Because it is bigger and bulkier than the cheap wallet I would always resort back. And everytime I use it back money comes in in large amounts too.
I told my observation to my friends and colleagues and we just shrug our shoulders to it. But it's getting really old and torn and one friend said that I better keep it. I also told myself that I would keep it even if it looks like an antique.
However, during the last quarter of 2007 I got sick and almost died. And even if I was using the pathetic wallet that time money went out and made me broke.

When I got home in the Philippines I told myself that I need a new and decent-looking wallet. After all my pathetic wallet let me get sick and spent so much. But I want a cheap one coz I am not posh. So out I went one day to purchase a black and red wallet that looked decent enough. Again it's the long type of kind like the sting-ray one. Guess what happened? The very next day after using it, the British Embassy called me and advised me to pay 42,000 pesos for my visa. Scratching my head, I had to abandon the new wallet and go back to the pathetic one.

Anyway, I was on my way to the library today and I dropped by the charity shop. And you know what? I bought myself a new wallet for only 50p. This time it's smaller than the pathetic wallet but has more compartments for the coins and cards. It looks very decent and no scratches. I am replacing my pathetic wallet.
Oh please, I want the spell to be broken this time.

Juan: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
Juan: 'Sino ang walang assignment?


Iba ang PINOY!!!!!
PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence.

One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well,' he says. 'I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: '$2,700.'

The official, incredulous, says, 'What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??

'Easy,' the Pinoy explains, '$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico '.

The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.

* * * * *

Joke
Q. What's the difference between corruption in the US and corruption in the Philippines ?

A. In the U.S. they go to jail. In the Philippines , they go to the U.S.


* * * * *

Q. What`s the difference among Philippine Presidents Cory, Gloria and Erap?

A. Cory can`t tell a lie.
Gloria can`t tell the truth.
Erap can`t tell the difference.

* * * * *

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: 'Di Namin Alam '

* * * * *

bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!

* * * * *

TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday!

* * * * *

'

* * * * *

Titser: Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
Juan: Kuwadrado po, maam!
Titser: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
Juan: Pero maam, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok ng mundo. May sulok po ba ang bilog?

* * * * *

Boss asks sexy secretary to a dinner after overtime: Are you free tonight?
The sexy secretary replies: Sir, ha.... huwag naman, FREE.... Bibigyan na lang kita ng discount!

* * * * *

Eliseo: Sobra na talaga ang katangahan ng kumare mo. Ang akala niya, ang LAWSUIT ay uniporme ng pulis!
Joshua: Sus! Tanga nga! Eh di ba, uniporme ng abugado yun?


* * * * *

Erap to Cardinal Rosales: Cards, hangga ngayon galit pa ang simbahan sa akin.. This is unfair!

Cardinal Rosales: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan, Erap?

Erap: Tignan 'nyo Cards, mayroong sabado de GLORIA, mayroong Sagrado de CORAZON at mayroon ding Linggo de RAMOS, Bakit ako wala? Naging presidente din naman ako, ah.

Cardinal Rosales: O sige na nga, Erap. Para wala kanang reklamo mula ngayon sa iyo na yang ASS Wednesday!

For Ilocanos

3 Friends were trying to outbrag each other about how strong their father is.
Tagalog: Ang tatay ko limang baka kinakatay araw-araw.
Bisaya: Wala yan! Ang tatay ko 10 baka kinakatay araw-araw.
Ilocano: Awan ah! Ni tatang ko uray matmaturog agkat-katay!

For Ilonggos

Still outdoing each other about presidents who speak their language.

Ilocano: Kaming mga Ilocano may presidente na. Si Marcos.
Tagalog: Kami rin naman ah, si Manuel L. Quezon.
Ilonggo: (Scratching head) Bal-an mo si Toto Reagan? Ilonggo na!

For Cebuanos

A native of Manobo was having an interview to get a place in Mountain View College.
Interviewer: Do you know how to speak English?
Manobo: Yes, Sir!
Interviewer: What is good in English:
Manobo: Maayo gyud!
Interviewer: What is sad in English?
Manobo: Guul sad!
Interviewer: What is food in English?
Manobo: Pagkaon pud!

For Pangasinense

Antonio is traveling around the world and he was surprised his name changes everywhere he goes.
He went to America and they called him Anthony.
He went to Russia and they called him Anthonsky.
He went to Italy and they called him Anthonini.
He went to Germany and they called him Anthonen.

Finally he went back to the Philippines and visited Pangasinan and do you know what they called him? Antotan.

Another Pinoy Pride Ariel Pineda hits the road to stardom. I just can't help posting it here and share it with my readers.




After All These Years with Journey..A Special Request. So Sweet

Another hilarious prank